Divorce, Dating, Relationship Support

Sometimes My Husband Feels More Like My Roommate

Reposted from: http://www.babble.com/relationships/sometimes-my-husband-feels-more-like-my-roommate/?cmp=SMC%7Cnone%7Cnatural%7CBabble%7CBabbleMay%7CFB%7Cmyroommate-Babble%7CInHouse%7C2015-05-03%7C%7C%7Cesocialmedia

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In the earlier days of my marriage, at 2 pm on the dot, I’d put two toddlers down for their naps, and tip-toe to the living room. I would pack my pump and some snacks for the night ahead. And I would settle in to feed the baby while flipping on my guilty pleasure of The Real Housewives or Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

2:40 pm rolled around, then 2:43. I’d adjust my scrub top and say a quick prayer that he wouldn’t be late. At exactly 2:45, I’d hear the crunch of gravel under his truck tires and I’d hurry to the door. Before he had a chance to even cross the threshold, I was pressing a baby into his arms and rushing past him to grab my stethoscope and my shoes.

For the first six years of our marriage, my husband and I worked opposite shifts. I as a night-shift nurse, and he as a teacher.

My mantra during that time was this too shall pass, and considered us partners in a time of extreme survival. It was romantic, in a way, knowing that at the end of the day (or night), we were in this together and we were making it work, no matter how hard things were with our jobs and our kids.

And that was all well and good, except now, years later, that feeling hasn’t changed much.

I’m no longer working as a hospital nurse and we’ve added a few more kids to the mix, but in many, many ways, I still feel like we’re in survival mode. And still find I’m saying this too shall pass over and over, in various situations, to myself.

I try to explain to my husband what it feels like to be a modern-day mother and wife. “It’s like my brain never, ever stops. I’m always thinking, ‘OK, what’s next, what do I have to do now?’ I can’t ever really relax.”

He nods, but I’m not sure I make any sense or if he will ever truly understand.

It’s almost like we are in a strange sort of marriage limbo, stuck in an endless cycle of sick kids, round after round of mastitis, and work dreams that remain dreams.

I find myself wishing I could just shake off my boring wife status, like a cloak I could remove that would take me from the structured mama who lives for nap time to a carefree woman who could tease her husband in the kitchen.

But I just can’t. I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, and feel the pressure of both wanting to enjoy this stage of our children being so young and innocent and wishing that things could be just a teensy, tinier bit easier.

In the midst of it all, I admit that our marriage has become a partnership in the most basic sense of the word — two people who trade off duties, take over the kids when the other needs to sleep, arrange school pick-ups and grocery shopping and dinner-making.

It’s a constant back and forth for me, remembering that marriage isn’t always a time of romance, but is filled with hard work and commitment and decidedly unglamorous moments. And while part of me hates that our marriage has become this, however temporarily, whether it be for days or weeks or a stretch of years, we will look back someday and remember and smile. And if right now, my husband happens to be the type of partner who is best for handing me a diaper in the middle of the night or bringing me yet another glass of water while I’m nursing the baby, maybe I should just appreciate the gift in having the world’s best roommate for now.

Although let’s be honest —

We could stand to lose a few of the six-and-under roommates that also insist on sleeping with us. Because they’re totally cramping our style.

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