Article by: Lisa Fritscher
From:http://phobias.about.com/od/phobiasatoh/a/Fear-Of-Abandonment.htm
Photo by: Troels Graugaard/E+/Getty Images
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Although it is not an official phobia, the fear of abandonment is arguably one of the most common and most damaging “phobias” of all. People with the fear of abandonment may tend to display compulsive behaviors and thought patterns that sabotage their relationships, ultimately leading to the dreaded abandonment. This fear can be devastating, but understanding it is the first step toward resolving it.
Fear of abandonment is a complex psychological phenomenon. It has been understood from a variety of perspectives. It is even a core symptom of borderline personality disorder. Here are some theories, models and scenarios that I have personally found useful in understanding and trying to be helpful to people struggling with fears of abandonment.
Object Constancy
In object relations theory, an offshoot of Freudian analysis, an object is either a person, a part of a person, or something that somehow symbolizes one or the other. Object constancy is the concept that even when we cannot see someone, that person does not fundamentally change. This is an adaptation of the idea of “object permanence” first studied by the developmental psychologist Jean Piaget. Infants learn that mommy or daddy goes to work and then comes home. He or she does not stop loving the child just because they are separated for a few hours. Meanwhile, the child develops an internal object, or a psychological representation of the parent, that satisfies the child’s need for contact during the interim. Object constancy generally develops before the age of three. As children grow and mature, the periods of separation lengthen and are often generated by the child as he goes to school or spends the weekend at a friend’s house. A child with good object constancy understands that important relationships are not damaged by time apart.
Object constancy may be interrupted by traumatic events. Death or divorce are common causes, but even situations that seem relatively unimportant to the adults involved may affect the development of this critical understanding. For example, children with parents in the military, those whose parents have little time to spend with them, and those with neglectful parents may also be at risk for interrupted object constancy.
Archetypes and Mythology
Mythology is filled with stories of abandoned or rejected lovers, primarily women, who dedicated their entire selves to their partners only to be left behind when the lover goes off to conquer the world. Some psychologists, such as Carl Jung, argue that these myths and legends have become part of our collective unconscious. At some primal level, we have all internalized certain archetypes and stories and made them part of our shared world view.
We each have a personal myth as well, one that is not shared with others but resides deep within the core of our beings. This personal myth is made up of our interpretations of the collective unconscious through the filters of our own experiences. From this perspective, the fear of abandonment is a deep-seated core conflict that varies in severity according to our own personal memories.
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