Reposted from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-m-flanagan/the-9-most-overlooked-thr_b_5972534.htm

Written by: Kelly M. Flanagan

I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It’s not.

Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It’s like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn’t create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he’s the one who gets caught, so he’s sent off to the principal’s office.

Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist’s office.

I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he’s just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:

1. We marry people because we like who they are. People change. Plan on it. Don’t marry someone because of who they are, or who you want them to become. Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.

2. Marriage doesn’t take away our loneliness. To be alive is to be lonely. It’s the human condition. Marriage doesn’t change the human condition. It can’t make us completely unlonely. And when it doesn’t, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/know-whether-two-will-work/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange

Author: Sex • Paul Hudson • Mar 19, 2014 – 12:55pm

Photo via We Heart It

Relationships are filled with uncertainty. Even when two people feel completely at home with each other, the fact remains that there is always a possibility that it may not work out. This isn’t something that should discourage anyone from dating or from trying to make things work. Many times it does work out and you do end up spending the rest of your life with the one you love – it does happen.

And more often than you’d think. But the fact is that, statistically, there is always a possibility of the relationship running its course. The trick is figuring out earlier on in a relationship whether or not the two of you have a real shot of making it last. This isn’t easy, as getting to know someone takes time.

On average it takes about two years for the full honeymoon period to blow over, then you begin seeing flaws in the other person. It’s not that these flaws weren’t there all along – they were; you just didn’t pay much notice to them, and they were most likely still being hidden. You got lost in the tide of love and have only now placed your feet on solid ground.

Reprinted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/broken-heart-doesnt-mean-shattered-8-reasons-heart-break-will-benefit/773043/

Author: Dating • Jessica Cooper • Sep 29, 2014

Photo Courtesy: Lamadde

Love: It’s a word that famous poets, ancient philosophers, popular musicians and passionate people around the world either dread or desire. More often than not, however, their rhymes and rhythms come with a sting.

Love can be just as lethal as it is lively because of its ability to end in pain. That’s the thing: No matter who you are, heartbreak is a reality. I come with good news, however: One of the greatest opportunities to figure out who we really are comes in the wake of a breakup or a heartbreak.

If there were no heartbreak, some of the greatest songs ever written might not even exist.

You might not see it now because you are blinded by your pain. Like Clark Kent turns into Superman, your true self can be revealed through this hardship. Let me tell you why.

1. You Will be Thankful

There will be a time when you will look back and be thankful that certain people, opportunities and things were removed from your life because you would have never found yourself had you not lost them.

Sometimes, we get so caught up worrying about what we lost, rather than realizing what we are gaining in its absence.

2. It Is A Wake-Up Call

You know when you are so dead in your sleep, that not even a thunderstorm can wake you? Sometimes it takes somebody to physically shake you in order to wake you up.

Well, meet heartbreak, your personal shaker-upper. For a while, you might be upset that it perturbed you, but ultimately, it is a good thing it woke you up because that life storm was about to eradicate you while you slept.

Now, your eyes are open. You are aware of your surroundings. So take a good look around the room because it might be time to do some rearranging.

Reposted from: http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/true-or-false-before-you-can-be-happy-with-someone-else-you-have-to-be-happy-by-yourself/?lcid=101759&laid=Links#.VEges8Io670

By Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, coming in January, 2015

Have you ever been told you haven’t found love because you need it too much? That you have to be happy by yourself first? Or have you said these things to yourself?

These myths sound so plausible. It’s actually true that we can’t love others more than we love ourselves, and we need to love ourselves so we can absorb someone else’s love for us.

But the belief that you have to be happy alone to be happy with someone else is not the same idea. You can love yourself and still need people—including one life partner. In fact, it is human to do so.

As a species, we developed in context with other human beings. People did not evolve in isolation. There may have been some folks in ancient times who plunked their babies down on the ground, then wandered off, but it’s likely those kids didn’t become our ancestors. They became lunch!

The very dependence of human babies may be the reason two adults need one another so much. Our children are born so undeveloped, they take years to reach self-sufficiency. Many scientists say the sexual bond between parents needs to last not only long enough to create life—but to sustain it. No wonder reliance on friends, family, and community is not enough to create lasting happiness for most people most of the time; we’re wired up to find intimacy in partnership.