11 Differences Between A Man Who’s Good For The Night And A Man You Should Be With For Life

Saturday, September 13, 2014 Break -ups, Dating, Relationships Permalink

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11 Differences Between A Man Who’s Good For The Night And A Man You Should Be With For LifePhoto Courtesy: Jessica Janae Photography

Let’s be honest… it’s not difficult for women to find sex.

You could literally walk down the street, ask if anyone wants to go to bed with you, and you’ll have several hands go up – if not all. Hell, you’ll probably even have a few women raise their hands as well.

The harder part for women is finding someone to keep around for the long run. Finding a man for the night is easy. Finding a man for a year is much more difficult. Finding a man for life is… well, rare.

It’s impossible to tell if that someone is the right someone for life, but you can tell if he’s worth keeping around for a while. You can also tell when he isn’t worth more than a few goes in between the sheets. Here are a few signals to watch out for:

He’s cute, but he isn’t exactly your type – keep him for the night.

There are plenty of beautiful people in the world, and a surprisingly large amount of them will be more than willing to sleep with you. Yet, finding the one who looks just right – I think you know what I mean – isn’t easy.

Finding someone who looks like home is rare, but finding someone who looks like a good time in a hotel room is much easier

You managed to have a real conversation – maybe keep him around for a bit longer.

I’ve spoken with a lot of women, but I’ve had very few actual conversations. I don’t consider small talk a real convo; you shouldn’t either.

A man worth keeping around is a man who helps you explore your own beliefs and consciousness through the words the two of you share. If the conversations feel recycled then maybe just get him into bed instead.

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Fear of Abandonment: A Self-Sabotaging Phobia

Wednesday, September 10, 2014 Break -ups, Dating, Divorce, Relationships Permalink

Article by: Lisa Fritscher

From:http://phobias.about.com/od/phobiasatoh/a/Fear-Of-Abandonment.htm

A young woman comforts her boyfriend - Troels Graugaard/E+/Getty Images

Photo by: Troels Graugaard/E+/Getty Images

Written or reviewed by a board-certified physician. See About.com’s Medical Review Board.

Although it is not an official phobia, the fear of abandonment is arguably one of the most common and most damaging “phobias” of all. People with the fear of abandonment may tend to display compulsive behaviors and thought patterns that sabotage their relationships, ultimately leading to the dreaded abandonment. This fear can be devastating, but understanding it is the first step toward resolving it.

Fear of abandonment is a complex psychological phenomenon. It has been understood from a variety of perspectives. It is even a core symptom of borderline personality disorder. Here are some theories, models and scenarios that I have personally found useful in understanding and trying to be helpful to people struggling with fears of abandonment.

Object Constancy

In object relations theory, an offshoot of Freudian analysis, an object is either a person, a part of a person, or something that somehow symbolizes one or the other. Object constancy is the concept that even when we cannot see someone, that person does not fundamentally change. This is an adaptation of the idea of “object permanence” first studied by the developmental psychologist Jean Piaget. Infants learn that mommy or daddy goes to work and then comes home. He or she does not stop loving the child just because they are separated for a few hours. Meanwhile, the child develops an internal object, or a psychological representation of the parent, that satisfies the child’s need for contact during the interim. Object constancy generally develops before the age of three. As children grow and mature, the periods of separation lengthen and are often generated by the child as he goes to school or spends the weekend at a friend’s house. A child with good object constancy understands that important relationships are not damaged by time apart.

Object constancy may be interrupted by traumatic events. Death or divorce are common causes, but even situations that seem relatively unimportant to the adults involved may affect the development of this critical understanding. For example, children with parents in the military, those whose parents have little time to spend with them, and those with neglectful parents may also be at risk for interrupted object constancy.

Archetypes and Mythology

Mythology is filled with stories of abandoned or rejected lovers, primarily women, who dedicated their entire selves to their partners only to be left behind when the lover goes off to conquer the world. Some psychologists, such as Carl Jung, argue that these myths and legends have become part of our collective unconscious. At some primal level, we have all internalized certain archetypes and stories and made them part of our shared world view.

We each have a personal myth as well, one that is not shared with others but resides deep within the core of our beings. This personal myth is made up of our interpretations of the collective unconscious through the filters of our own experiences. From this perspective, the fear of abandonment is a deep-seated core conflict that varies in severity according to our own personal memories.

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6 Reasons That Prove Mixed Signals Do Not Exist And You’re Just In Denial

Tuesday, September 2, 2014 Break -ups, Dating, Relationships Permalink

Ladies • •

 Article from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/6-reasons-mixed-signals-exist/712555/
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr
6 Reasons That Prove Mixed Signals Do Not Exist And You’re Just In Denial
He’s giving me mixed signals; it’s so frustrating. No, my dear, what’s frustrating is the fact that you are so amazing, yet wasting your time with someone who isn’t into you at all. Mixed signals do not exist. It is a concept that people, who can’t tell whether or not a prospect is interested or not, bemoan. Newsflash: If you can’t tell, it almost always means that the person is not interested – and you should view that as a clear signal, not a foggy one. Whether we are looking for something casual or a serious relationship, inconsistency and supposed mixed signals bother most of us. To me, deciphering mixed signals simply sounds like a whole lot of wasted time and effort – especially if they don’t really exist and you are failing to see the bigger picture. Here are six reasons why there is no such thing as mixed signals in the dating world:

1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

If someone’s words (or text messages) lead you to believe that he or she is into you, but the actions prove otherwise, listen to the actions. Do not let yourself get confused because someone said “Hey gorgeous, I’d love to see you sometime soon” but the person doesn’t actually ever make plans to see you. Actions speak louder than words.

2. Players Only Love You When They’re Playing

This point sort of speaks for itself. A female or male player might pretend to be interested in you or even pretend to care about you because he or she might have some sort of ulterior motive. If someone is playing you, it can create a false sense of intimacy. Eventually, the true colors will show and it will be around that time when you start complaining about mixed signals. Most of the time, you can spot these types a mile away; always listen to your instincts because you should be able to tell if someone is genuine or not. Again, consider the actions if you need proof, one way or another.

3. When You Know, You Know

When someone is really interested in you, you will know. It will be clear. There will not be mixed signals. When this happens, it will feel effortless, natural and easy. The anxiety sustained from wondering and waiting will be nonexistent. You will hear from this person often and you will not feel played.

4. Inconsistency Is Not Something You Should Deal With

Whether you’re looking for something casual or something more serious, if someone is inconsistent with you and it is bothering you, move on. For example, if someone you’re interested in contacts you on a regular basis and then drops off the face of the earth for a few weeks and then repeats the same cycle, try not to get too frustrated. Simply do not invest any more of your time. In poker terms, fold. “Mixed signals” such as these are not worth your time and effort.

5. Most People Don’t Want To Put All Of Their Eggs In One Basket

You may be confusing mixed signals with someone who is simply not focused on just you. From time to time, this person’s focus drifts to the other people he or she is seeing – and that’s simply this person’s prerogative. Unless you’re looking for a relationship, you should accept that the focus won’t always be on you, at all times.

6. The Secret Lover Is Not A Thing

If someone is all about you in private, but is reluctant to introduce you to his or her friends or family or take you out in public, there could be trouble in paradise. If someone can’t show any affection whatsoever unless you’re alone, that’s not mixed signals, that’s just a red flag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Article from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/6-reasons-mixed-signals-exist/712555/
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr