Reposted from: http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Written by: Seth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/relationship-make-you-feel/1014243/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=1014243

Written by: Lauren Martin in Dating

Relationships are all about feelings. One morning, you’re up; by night, you’re down… but by “down,” I don’t mean in the dumps. I mean down to the core of your existence, experiencing new levels of emotion and pain.

Those who say relationships are all moments of bliss and euphoria aren’t wrong; they’re just forgetting a lot.

Because good relationships have those negative feelings as much as they have positive ones. Only, the negative ones aren’t negative in the way you’ve experienced them before.

You feel them in a completely new way. You feel sad, but it’s sorrow that comes from deep yearning.

You feel scared, but for the first time, it’s a fear that comes when you’re completely and utterly dependent on someone else.

Reposted from: http://www.powerofpositivity.com/21-things-to-expect-when-dating-a-strong-woman/

Here are 21 things to expect when you date a strong woman.

1. Strong women are on a mission. Expect the mission to be an important theme in the relationship. Both will be equally important to her but don’t make her choose.
2. Strong women like to be self-sufficient. Expect things to be difficult for her to take a step back and relinquish some control. Don’t worry, she will eventually become more comfortable taking a back seat when the time is right.
3. Strong women are creative and have an open mind so expect new ideas and potential change to be a constant topic of conversation.
4. Strong women do not waste time on other people’s drama so do not try to engage in gossip or talking badly about others.
5. Strong women are comfortable asking for they want and need, so expect open and direct lines of communication with little sugar-coating.
6. Strong women take care of themselves, so expect them to spend time and money on things that make them feel and look good.
7. Strong women recharge alone, so don’t expect them to be available every waking moment.
8. Strong women surround themselves with other empowered women and these relationships are important. Expect her to devote time and energy to these relationships as equally as she does yours.
9. Strong women seek information so expect her to question your feelings, where the relationship stands, and where it’s headed.
10. Strong women are very clear on their visions, goals and want they want to accomplish in life so expect her to want to see similar ambitions in you.
11. Strong women believe in the possibility, so expect her to look for solutions rather than giving up.
12. Strong women recognize when things are not working and will immediately make the necessary changes to correct the course. You should expect action instead of endless discussion.
13. Strong women let few people into her inner circle so expect her to put up some walls until she is sure you can be trusted and are comfortable with her headstrong ways.
14. Strong women have a strong sense of morality so expect your values to be questioned. She will not feel comfortable pursuing a relationship if your values do not align or are in conflict with hers.
15. Strong women thrive on doing many things that matter to them, so expect activities and projects to have a purpose.
16. Strong women don’t feel they need anyone else, that they alone are enough. Expect her to be conflicted about wanting to need you at first, but give it time and she will come around.
17. Strong women are grateful for the abundance in their life and you can expect to actively practice gratitude throughout your relationship.
18. Strong women tend to focus on the positive and keep negativity at bay, so expect your negative thoughts to be questioned and challenged.
19. Strong women accept responsibility, refuse to blame and won’t accept excuses so expect to be honest about your role in a situation. Once a situation is dealt with, consider it in the past because she doesn’t hold grudges.
20. Strong women display a strong persona so expect to be a little intimidated. She will be slow to show her vulnerabilities.
21. Strong women hold their fears of being hurt, being left, and becoming too dependent close to their heart so expect to work hard to win her love.

Of course, a strong woman is much more than the things listed here and the important takeaway is to expect a relationship, not a dalliance. Strong women rarely engage in a relationship that doesn’t serve her, so expect to fully commit.

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/youre-not-one-8-ways-tell-time-say-goodbye/1099469/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=1099469

Written by: Briana Davis on Love Is A Mother F*cker

We’re used to getting advice on if he’s “the one” or not. We pick petals off daisies, read countless magazine articles and debate it with our closest friends.

We make mental checklists of all the reasons he is or isn’t Mr. Right, or even Mr. Almost Right.

Determining if he’s “the one” seems to be pretty clear-cut to those who have found him, and as clear as mud to everyone else.

But, contrary to popular belief, there is an easy way to figure out if you two are forever. Sometimes you just have to think about it from the opposite side.

On that note, here’s a list of red flags, so you can stop in your tracks, exit left stage now, call it quits and not waste another second.

1. He is dishonest.

Now I don’t mean he’s dishonest in that he tells you you look great in a pair of shorts you both know aren’t flattering.

I mean he lies all the time, about big or small things, and you’re always catching him somewhere he shouldn’t be.

My mom always told me if someone can look you in the eyes and lie to you, they will do anything to you.

We’ve all told a fib here and there, but blatantly lying with no remorse is a real sign this person lacks a necessary component for building a lasting relationship.

Honesty is key; it establishes the very foundation a relationship is built on.

There is sometimes pain in telling the truth, especially to a partner you have wronged, but if he is able to fess up and be painfully honest with you, it usually means he is willing to accept his fault.

Reposted from: http://www.upmoments.com/she-tells-her-grandma-that-shes-just-been-cheated-on/

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be like the COFFEE.