Divorce, Dating, Relationship Support

A New Memoir About What Happens When You Get Rid of All Your Stuff

Reposted from: http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_eye/2014/05/26/the_minimalists_everything_that_remains_is_a_new_memoir_about_living_with.html

By Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus

Joshua Fields Millburn (right) and Ryan Nicodemus, aka The Minimalists.

Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus—aka The Minimalists—are a pair of best friends who grew up poor in Dayton, Ohio, and were working in unfulfilling six-figure corporate careers at age 30, when they shed most of their belongings and started a popular blog about embracing simplicity. They have since become some of the country’s leading evangelists on the virtues of living with less. The friends, now 32, are currently on a 100-city tour to promote Everything That Remains, an earnest self-published memoir written by Millburn with footnotes by Nicodemus that attempts to recount their change of course and serves as a primer for those curious about what it means to be a modern minimalist. Here at the Eye, they share an adapted excerpt from the book in which Millburn reminisces about how his lifestyle transformation began at home, by figuring out what to do with all of his stuff.

I started small, asked myself: What if you removed one material possession—just one—from your life each day for a month? What would happen?

The result: I unloaded way more than 30 items in the first 30 days. It became a kind of personal challenge, discovering what I could get rid of, what I could get out of my way, how many unneeded things I could remove from my hoard. I searched my rooms and closets, cabinets and hallways, car and office, rummaging around for items to part with, retaining only the things I needed.

Pondering each artifact in my apartment, I’d ask simple questions like, Does this thing add value to my life? I learned that once you gain momentum, once you feel the benefits of removing the clutter from your life, embracing minimalism gets easier by the day. The more you do it, the freer and happier and lighter you feel, the more you want to throw overboard. A few shirts leads to half a closet. A few DVDs leads to deep-sixing almost an entire library of discs. A few decorative items leads to junk drawers who shed their adjective. It’s a beautiful cycle. The more action you take, the more you want to take action.

I didn’t just “declutter,” though. As far as I can tell, decluttering alone is sort of a farce, a trend promulgated on daytime TV and in trite magazine stories like “67 Ways to Declutter a Messy Home.” What we’re not told is that decluttering by itself doesn’t solve the problem, not long term anyway. Discussing how  to get rid of our stuff answers only the what side of the equation, but not the why; the action, but not the purpose; the how-to, but not the significantly more important why-to. In other words, the what is relatively easy. We all know instinctually how to declutter—how to get “organized.” But that’s just one part of the larger issue. Instead of “get organized,” I’ve decided I need to start thinking of organizing as a dirty word, a sneaky little profanity which keeps us from really simplifying our lives.

You see, our televisions would have us believe there’s a battle being fought on the consumption continuum, a battle between messy hoarders on one side and spruce organizers on the other. And from our couches it’s hard to see who’s winning. I’d like to posit, however, that these two sides are actually working together, colluding to achieve the same thing: the accumulation of more stuff. One side—the hoarders—does so overtly, leaving everything out in the open, making them easy targets to sneer at. But the other side—the sneaky organizers—are more covert, more systematic, when it comes to the accumulation of stuff.

Whether our homes are strewn with wall-to-wall junk or we have a color-coded and alphabetized methodology to camouflage our mess, we’re still not dealing with the real problem. No matter how organized we are, we must continue to care for the stuff we organize, sorting and cleaning our meticulously structured belongings. When we get rid of the superabundance of stuff, however, we can make room for life’s more important aspects. I can now spend my day focusing on that which is truly important—health, relationships, writing—instead of re-reorganizing my basement. Once the excess stuff is out of the way, staying organized is much easier anyway; it’s like getting organized without the stress of actual organizing.

It took confessing to myself that I was but a well-organized hoarder before I took action and really started removing the surplus stuff from my world.

When I got rid of the majority of my possessions, I was compelled to ask questions I wasn’t prepared for: When did I give so much meaning to material possessions? What is truly important in life? Why am I discontented? Who is the person I want to become? How will I define my own success?

These are tough questions with difficult answers. But they’ve proved to be much more important than just trashing my excess possessions. If we don’t answer them carefully, rigorously, then the closet we just decluttered will be brimming with new purchases in the not-too-distant future.

So as my belongings fell by the wayside, and I started facing life’s tougher questions, I felt less bloated, lighter, as if losing a kind of internal weight. I no longer needed the extra space in my oversize downtown apartment, so I moved into a smaller and considerably less expensive one-bedroom apartment, three blocks south. This new apartment has a view of the park across the street and is situated in a communal neighborhood in which people actually smile and wave and say hi to you when you walk by.

I guess you could say I’m a minimalist  now. Although if you visited my home you probably wouldn’t leap up and proclaim, “This guy’s a minimalist!” No, you’d probably just say “He’s tidy” and ask how I keep things so organized, and I’d simply grin and tell you that I don’t own many things, but each of my belongings—my kitchenware, my furniture, my clothes, my car—has a function or brings me joy.

Over time, situations will change. They always do. So I’m forced to ask the same important question over and over again: Does this thing add value to my life? But I don’t just ask this question about material possessions. Stuff was just the start. I ask it too in regard to relationships, Internet consumption, food, and more. I constantly ask because circumstances constantly change. Just because something adds value today, that doesn’t mean it will necessarily add value tomorrow. So I keep asking, and I adjust accordingly.

 

 

7 Things People with Emotional Toughness Do Differently

Reposted from: https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/7-things-people-with-emotional-toughness-do-122280480828.html

Written by: Nicole Weaver

Not all of us are naturally strong. Some have anxiety or are insecure, which easily puts cracks in your armor. So, how do you toughen up to gain the utmost confidence? Here are seven ways to mentally toughen you up!

1. They take control.

There are two types of people in the world: Those who believe in fate, and those who believe they have control over things. According to Inc, you should be the latter; stop worrying about things that happen to you and start making things happen for you.

2. They’re flexible.

Life doesn’t always go as planned. So, it’s better to be able to pivot when you need to! According to Forbes, being flexible means you’re open to the unexpected and won’t crumble when something inevitably changes.

3. They learn from their mistakes.

You can either choose to crumble from your mistakes, or make them tools for your future. Look at those slip ups as training and refrain from letting them define you. According to Inc, looking at these moments as training will toughen you up.

4. They create specific goals — then conquer them.

Sometimes, you’re mentally all over the places, because you have no direction. What are you doing? Why? When do you want to accomplish this? A Harvard study found that students who set goals tend to earn twice as much as those who had no goals. So, write down that goal, then reap the benefits.

5. They look for acceptance from themselves, not others.

Most of us want other people to like us, but strength comes from within. Ironically, many people don’t like you until you stop caring whether or not others like you. According toInc, that kind of strength is admirable, and your relationships become happier once you adopt that mindset.

6. They keep their stress in check.

Find out what helps you lower your stress level. Perhaps it’s tea, maybe it’s exercising, maybe it’s just setting aside alone time. But a study from New York University found that stress makes it harder for people to control their emotions. Want to lower your risk of bursting into tears at work? Get rid of that stress.

7. They let the little things roll off their back.

Stop sweating the small stuff. According to Inc, your mental strength is a finite supply. So, don’t wear yourself down. Although you should accept that you have control over your life, don’t turn into a control freak.

Never Settle For Someone Who Wants You Over Someone Who Would Do Anything To Keep You

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/differences-between-wanting-needing-person/770421/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=770421

Written by: Paul Hudson in Dating

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Human beings are almost entirely governed by two instincts: desire and the need to avoid loss. We are loss-adverse animals who constantly want something.

The instinct to want and to avoid loss are so strong and so deeply ingrained in our psyches that we see little purpose to life outside of them.

Wanting to own and to hold on to things is the reason we believe life has value to us as individuals; if we were unable to keep things for ourselves, then we would find little reason to participate whatsoever.

The problem arises when people are more worried about satisfying their wants than they are of satisfying their instinct to avoid loss — when the scale tips in this direction, you have people who attain things they don’t need and then find it difficult to appreciate any of the things they already have.

Not being capable of appreciating the things in your life is one thing — a bad thing — but not being capable of appreciating the people in your life is another.

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10 Surprising Facts About Working Out Twice a Day

Reposted from: http://www.fitnessrepublic.com/fitness/10-surprising-facts-about-working-out-twice-a-day.html

Written by: Christian Heftel

10 Surprising Facts About Working Out Twice a Day

Most people think about exercising in terms of how many times they work out per week, but some people want to up the ante and get their heart rate up more than once in a day. Working out twice a day has some potential benefits as well as some potential drawbacks. Here are 10 surprising facts you should know about exercising twice in one day.

1. Two-a-Days Can Be Safe

Some people assume exercising twice a day must be bad or unsafe. But if you do it right, this doesn’t have to be the case. According to John Mandrola MD, “two-a-day workouts can be especially useful, and if used wisely, might lead to safer more effective training.”

2. Rest Is Still Important

If you’re working out multiple times per day, you definitely need to make sure you get enough rest. Obviously, it’s good to give yourself some time between your workouts on any given day (some experts suggest waiting between four and six hours between your exercise sessions), and it is equally important to rest your muscle groups between days. For example, if you do a heavy leg workout one day, then even if you get other exercise sessions in the meantime, you probably don’t want to really tax your legs again before for a couple days.

Make sure you take at least one day completely off each week, and potentially more. Additionally, if you notice that you are growing more fatigued and sore over time, or that your ability to perform is decreasing, you may need to increase your amount of rest.

3. The Order of Exercise Matters

If you’re doing both high-intensity (like HIIT or strength training) and low-intensity exercises (like “regular” cardio), you should do the higher intensity work in your first session. It will likely be easier for you to give your all when you’re still fresh. Then, you can do the more endurance-based exercise later, when you’re tired.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 Permalink

photo blog11 Things Every Woman Should Tell Her Gyno

Your feet are already in stirrups–how much more awkward can it really get?
By Casey Gueren, Women’s Health

There are some things that you’d barely consider telling your best friend–let alone your gynecologist. But the truth is, they’ve heard and seen it all. Plus, there are some things that, while embarrassing, could be really vital when it comes to taking care of your sexual and reproductive health. Here, eleven things you should definitely tell your gynecologist: (And while you’re still in the office, don’t forget these 5 Questions You Should be Asking Your Gyno.)

How Many Sexual Partners You’ve Had

Has it been a particularly eventful year? Tell your gyno that–even if she doesn’t ask. She’s not going to judge you, and this is really useful information from a medical standpoint, says ob-gyn Alyssa Dweck, M.D., coauthor of V is For Vagina. “The more information that’s disclosed that seems to be relevant, the more individualized care that can be given.”