Reposted from: http://lauradoyle.org/blog/give-up-control/

Written by: Laura Doyle

15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control

The World-Famous System for Relinquishing Control has Unexpected Side Effects

What happens when 18 women tell the up-close and personal story of how their marriages were struggling in some way, and describe exactly how they stopped controlling to restore the passion and playfulness?

First, you get an inspiring book of best practices for a playful, passionate marriage, which you can then apply to your own relationship.

Second, some other patterns emerge.

Let’s say you’re in the habit of giving your husband “helpful suggestions,” like all of us were.

Or maybe you’re less subtle about it, and you just come right out and tell him what to do, like we also did.

And let’s say that one day you decide to stop controlling…

Then what?

Here’s what we found out by putting all the first-hand accounts together in the book Surrendered Wives Empowered Women: Inspiring True Stories of Women Who Made Their Relationships Intimate, Passionate and Peaceful Again: As soon as you stop controlling your guy, your relationship gets so much better!

AND all of this happens too…

1) You discover your real purpose in the world.

This one is obvious if you think about it.

Being the arm-chair critic of your man’s life is a big distraction from your own life, which you’re not paying attention to when you’re trying to control him.

It’s like your life is riding around in a car with no one at the wheel, maybe faking an injury so it can get some attention.

What emerged is that as we stopped focusing on him, our real purpose in the world was there waiting for us, calling us to come out of hiding.

Relinquishing inappropriate control led us to the joy of doing what we were born to do.

2) You regain your dignity.

None of us liked feeling like our mother on her worst day.

The part where you keep calm and carry on like a Londoner during The Battle of Britain in WWII? Surprisingly gratifying.

3) You get a lot more energy.

Controlling someone you can’t control is exhausting.

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/advice-from-toxic-relationships/1247518/

Written by: Alexia LaFata

When you’re stuck in a sh*tty relationship, it’s hard to know what to do.

You love this person. You’ve invested so much time in this person. But ultimately, the relationship is leaving you with more misery than joy, and you know you have to end it.

Finding the strength to do so, however, can be tough.

What has to happen for you to finally be pushed over the edge? What insult, teardown or mind f*ck does this person have to throw at you for you to find it in you to tell him to go away forever?

Or is your heart so wrapped up in the fantasy of the person you know he’s capable of being that you simply can’t fathom EVER giving up, no matter how poorly he treats you?

When it comes to matters of the heart and soul, there’s no easy answer. Recently, I talked to some people about their worst, most toxic relationships ever and the moment they knew they had to get out of it.

They have some advice for you.

Know your worth.

Please, get out. Know your worth. You are amazing, and he is a sac of hairy, smelly balls. Someone better is out there. Please, just don’t do this to yourself.

–Marie, 22

Your mental health is more important than trying to fix his.

–Kelli, 22

LIFE IS SHORT. Seriously. We all have the feeling sometimes that we don’t want to hurt anyone, and we can stick it out. Maybe things will change. But if it’s in your heart that something is not going to work out, don’t waste your time, and don’t waste your partner’s. It might be hard, but staying in a terrible relationship is not doing either of you any favors.

–Christiana*, 23

It’s not worth it.

Consistent sex is never worth the stress. Girls will always be there, and just as easily as you convinced yourself that you cannot live without your partner, you can just as easily get comfortable with being single.

Also people tend not to change, so if you like dealing with the bullsh*t, then don’t lie to yourself and call your relationship terrible because you secretly like arguing and all that. Also, if you’re going to break up, do it in person or over a call. Texting is for soft ass dudes.

–Farmsworth*, 24

That no relationship is worth that kind of trauma. You need to value yourself enough to know you deserve more. Someone who really loves you doesn’t want to hurt you.

–Gina*, 25

Get out of it now. It might be the harder short-term decision to make, but you’ll be saving yourself a lot of misery in the long-term. The sooner you end it, the sooner you can start getting over it… and the closer you are to a better life.

–Lucky*, 25

People don’t change.

It’s really, really rare for someone to be able to change dramatically enough to make a difference.

–Jen*, 25

Leave that person immediately; it’s not gonna get better. Ever. People rarely change, and they most certainly don’t change FOR YOU. And if you think that’s what you deserve, think again. It can always be better.

Like, don’t let anyone treat you like sh*t or give up on true love just because some idiot hurt you or made you think this is all you’ll ever get. If this is all you know, all you have — let go, and understand that you don’t have to suffer.

Be f*cking picky. After all, letting the wrong people into your life will do more damage than good.

–Farina, 18

Get the f*ck out. See the light, before that girl goes “Gone Girl” on your ass and, you’re in it for good. Nobody wants a “Gone Girl” situation on his hands.

–Michael*, 26

Your friends know best.

If everyone around you is telling you this is dysfunctional, it’s PROBABLY dysfuctional. Do not minimize the opinions of those who know you the best.

–Gina, 22

That is actually going on right now. I told him “Mate, I want to see you happy, and if that is with this girl, then I will support you. But you’re not happy. You know it. I know it. We both know what you have to do, but it is up to you to decide whether you want to or not.”

–Jordy, 23

Unfortunately, most people don’t see how bad things are from the outside, even when someone points it out to them — it’s one of those things you just have to let people figure out for themselves.

If I were really worried about a friend — say, her BAE is rude to others, or he’s cheating on her, or I’m worried that he’s being abusive or controlling — I’d stage some kind of intervention. But I think most of the time, you just have to be there for your friend while she sorts it out.

–Katie, 22

I’d say, “Girl, I’ve been there (I hung on for three-plus years), and I get it, but you’re being real f*cking dumb.”

–Katie*, 23

Run.

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! The longer you stay in it, the more hurt you’ll be when it ends (Oh, and it WILL end. Beat him to the punch).

–Sheena, 25

Break up with him or her if you feel this way sooner than later. If you can’t do that, then just wait him or her out — a person like that can’t be patient.

–James*, 23

Get the f*ck out. If you have to think about if you should still be in the relationship, you shouldn’t be in the relationship.

–Lauren, 20

I’d say run while you can!

–Sammy*, 22

Reposted from: http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Relationships/Marriage/7-Kinds-of-People-You-Definitely-Want-to-Marry.aspx?utm_source=JesusChristPageDeskMarryKindSEPT&utm_medium=paid_distribution&utm_campaign=GlobalScope#

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/girls-dated-woman-marry/1297339/

Written by: Paul Hudson

I have a confession to make: I’ve lost count of the number of women I’ve dated, slept with, hung out with and fallen for.

I don’t believe there’s a problem with taking the time to explore both your sexuality and your capacity for love. But eventually, you lose a reason to continue on the same path. You keep telling yourself that everyone is special, but you know that’s bullshit. If everyone were special, no one would be special.

Back when I was questioning whether or not the greatest love of my life was the greatest love I could possibly find, I remember thinking I needed to take time to explore. I needed time to date, to f*ck, to party, to let loose and live. To YOLO and other crap like that.

So I did. I dated, f*cked and partied like there was no tomorrow. Do I regret it? Sometimes. I don’t regret meeting all those women and getting to know them (some better than others). But I do regret thinking that I needed something that I didn’t need.

I definitely wanted all of this at the time. I wanted everything so bad that I decided to end an amazing relationship. I embraced the young, dumb, filled-with-testosterone lifestyle — the life of a 20-something male — in the real Sin City: Manhattan.

The city treated me very well. There were models. Dancers. Strippers. FIT students. Life was good — hell, it was great. Until, of course, I wised up.

For some men, getting laid is enough. Not for all, but for many. Maybe even for most.

Reposted from: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/6-kinds-of-compliments-men-would-love-to-hear-more-often-jgc/

Written by: Jordan Gray

I have written countless articles on ways to make women feel more seen, heard, loved, and appreciated. As many readers have expressed a desire to hear the male equivalent, I figured it’s time to fulfill those requests. I don’t feel like it’s talked about enough, but men respond to praise and appreciation just as much as women do. In many cases, possibly even more so. Whatever the reason, women tend to get the lion’s share of the verbal praise when it comes to how they look and how they make men feel. Case in point, I can name ten songs off the top of my head that are solely about how attractive women are (inside and out)… and I can’t even name five about men without reeeaaally digging for them. So without further ado, here are six kinds of compliments that men would love to hear more often. Some of these I heard as requests from the men who asked me to write this article, others are things that my male clients have often mentioned they felt insecure about in their relationships, and a smaller portion have come from my personal dating history. 1. Compliments that show that you believe in him One of the biggest things that makes a guy melt is when his partner supports him and believes in him. This is one of the most consistent things that I heard from my male readers when I went to them regarding writing this article. One of my clients said, “When she says any variation of ‘I believe in you’ I feel like a superhero who can achieve anything”. Examples: – I believe in you. – I love how driven you are. – Whatever you put your mind to, I know you’ll be able to achieve it. You always have. – Of course people want to work with you/for you… people trust you and your abilities. As they should. You’re amazing at what you do. – Of course you got a raise/that new job. You’re talented, hard working, and everyone knows it. I’m so proud of you. – You’ve accomplished so much in your life already. I’m sure you’ll continue to go on to do many more great things. You’ll make the most of any situation that comes your way. 2. Body and appearance-specific compliments While men might not get as much body shaming marketing as the average woman does in western society, guys are still insecure about certain elements of their physical appearance. Besides, every person (regardless of gender) likes knowing that their partner finds them aesthetically pleasing. Whether it’s his arms, hands, eyes, thighs, or private parts that are on the receiving end of the compliment, guys aren’t too picky. Here are some examples of compliments that my male readers said touched their heart: – You look so handsome. – Wow… you weren’t kidding when you said you had been working out. Look at you! – You look extra manly today. I like it. – You look so handsome in that suit/tie/outfit! – I love being wrapped up in your sexy arms. – You look beautiful when you laugh. – You look beautiful when you cry. – You always look so handsome… even when you’ve just woken up and your hair is all messy. 3. Compliments that acknowledge his efforts Everyone likes to be recognized for the effort that they put into their relationship. Show him that you appreciate what he does for you. Even the simplest things. Notice and recognize it all. Whenever you appreciate something out loud, you tend to get more of it. And even if you don’t, you still get to make him feel loved. Whether he took out the garbage, replaced the light bulb, or did the dishes is irrelevant… what matters is that you recognize him for his acts of service every now and then. Examples… – You’re so good to me. – Thank you so much for cooking for me, love. I really appreciate it. And this is delicious! – You can fix anything, can’t you? – I love how gentle you are with me. – Thank you for listening to me. I really appreciate you letting me vent. – I noticed that you did (this) for me. Thank you for being so thoughtful. I really appreciate it. You’re very sweet with me and I love it. – I loved seeing you playing with (mutual friend’s) kids earlier today. Your playful side is so sexy. I love that you can cut loose and have fun sometimes. 4. Compliments that show that you respect him Several studies have shown that men feel respect as love and they put a higher emotional premium on feeling respected than necessarily feeling loved. While I don’t think that these studies necessarily mean much on the individual level, it’s important to note that your man likely wants to feel respected within your relationship. Here are some ways to say it to him: – You’re a good man. – I’m proud of you. – I have so much respect for you. – You become a better version of yourself every time I see you. – It took a lot of courage to admit you were wrong/apologize/have that tough conversation back there… I really admire that you were able to do that. It was very attractive. – I love how forgiving you are with those closest to you. It took a lot of strength to be the bigger man back there and you couldn’t have done any better. – I love how considerate/caring you are with my friends/parents/co-workers. You are so aware of other people and I really appreciate it. 5. Compliments that show that you trust him and his ability to lead Blame social conditioning, biology, or whatever else you’d like to, but the majority of men have a deep level love of being seen as the leader in their lives and relationships. Let him know that you see him and that you trust his way of being in the world by saying a few of the following: – I trust you. – I’m on your side. – You’ve never steered us wrong in the past. – I would follow you anywhere. – You always give the best advice. You’re so smart. 6. Compliments that show that you are affected by him Essentially all men know the feeling of having someone walk past them who is so attractive that they go weak in the knees. The intoxicating rush of attraction that we feel is a potent one. Let him know that you feel something similar when you are around him. – I can’t help but blush around you. – You always know how to make me smile. – I respond to you on such a deep level. – I feel like I can accomplish so much more in my life because I have you as a safety net. I always feel supported by you and it means so much to me. – Your eyes are so captivating. I could get lost in them forever. – I’ve never felt more safe and comfortable around any other person. I love being in your presence. – I’ve never been more turned on by anyone. You make me weak in the knees so often. – You are the funniest guy I know. Wrap Up Your unique guy will respond to some of these more strongly than others. Try out a handful of them and see what comes of it. And before the comments section turns into a “Why do we need to stroke the male ego?”/“People don’t need compliments… they should be internally validated!” fest… this article is merely setting out a blueprint to help people live with love more often. Everyone enjoys receiving a sincere compliment, and the majority of these could be applied to any woman as well. – See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/6-kinds-of-compliments-men-would-love-to-hear-more-often-jgc/#sthash.1gEQ1gVO.dpuf