Reposted from: http://www.mode.com/stories/what-happens-when-you-stay-single-for-too-long/10400920

Reposted from: Jamie Rae

Let’s face it, if you go years and years without being in a committed relationship, you’re probably going to become a little selfish. Single people have much less emotional responsibility and can pretty much do whatever they want. But while the endless brigades of self-love and ‘me’ time are valuable, you will probably start to think you’re the centre of the universe pretty quickly.

It’s very likely that someone who has been single for a long time it’s because they’re too picky. Being picky to a certain degree is a good thing because it shows that you value yourself and you aren’t willing to settle. So people who have been single for a long time become less and less reliant on relationships, thus more and more picky. Unfortunately there are no perfect relationships out there.

Now continuing on with the too picky point: if you’ve been so long without a relationship, you may be scared of getting into one after being out of the game for so long. For this reason you might run for the hills at the first sign of adversity, or after the first quirk or dark characteristic of your new partner is revealed. Instead of working at it, you will be more inclined to just give up.

It’s possible that if you go so long without being vulnerable or putting yourself out there, you are going to run the risk of closing yourself off. Particularly the older you get, the harder it will be to let someone in. This might even result in a fear of intimacy, difficulty creating and maintaining intimate relationships, as well as a fear of commitment. Intimacy takes practice.

Reposted from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/23/11-signs-dating-a-sociopath_n_3780417.html

Post  |  By Macrina Cooper-White           

Could that amazing new person you or a loved one is dating actually be a sociopath? It’s not as far-fetched as you might imagine. Roughly one in 25 Americans is a sociopath, according to Harvard psychologist Dr. Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door.

Of course, not all sociopaths are dangerous criminals. But they certainly can make life difficult, given that the defining characteristic of sociopathy is antisocial behavior.

Here are 11 RED FLAGS to look out for:

RED FLAG #1. Having an oversized ego.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) notes that sociopaths have an inflated sense of self. They are narcissists to the extreme, with a huge sense of entitlement, Dr. Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist with the L.A. County Department of Mental Health, wrote for Psychology Today. They tend to blame others for their own failures.

RED FLAG #2. Lying and exhibiting manipulative behavior.

Sociopaths use deceit and manipulation on a regular basis. Why? “Lying for the sake of lying. Lying just to see whether you can trick people. And sometimes telling larger lies to get larger effects,” Dr. Stout told Interview Magazine.

RED FLAG #3. Exhibiting a lack of empathy.

“They don’t really have the meaningful emotional inner worlds that most people have and perhaps because of that they can’t really imagine or feel the emotional worlds of other people,” M. E. Thomas, a diagnosed sociopath and author of Confessions Of A Sociopath, told NPR. “It’s very foreign to them.”

RED FLAG #4. Showing a lack of remorse or shame.

The DSM-V entry on antisocial personality disorder indicates that sociopaths lack remorse, guilt or shame.

RED FLAG #5. Staying eerily calm in scary or dangerous situations.

A sociopath might not be anxious following a car accident, for instance, M.E. Thomas said. And experiments have shown that while normal people show fear when they see disturbing images or are threatened with electric shocks, sociopaths tend not to.

RED FLAG #6. Behaving irresponsibly or with extreme impulsivity.

Sociopaths bounce from goal to goal, and act on the spur of the moment, according to the DSM. They can be irresponsible when it comes to their finances and their obligations to other people.

RED FLAG #7. Having few friends.

Sociopaths tend not to have friends–not real ones, anyway. “Sociopaths don’t want friends, unless they need them. Or all of their friends are superficially connected with them, friends by association,” psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg, author of the Human Magnet Syndrome, told The Huffington Post.

RED FLAG #8. Being charming–but only superfically.

Sociopaths can be very charismatic and friendly — because they know it will help them get what they want. “They are expert con artists and always have a secret agenda,” Rosenberg said. “People are so amazed when they find that someone is a sociopath because they’re so amazingly effective at blending in. They’re masters of disguise. Their main tool to keep them from being discovered is a creation of an outer personality.”

As M.E. Thomas described in a post for Psychology Today: “You would like me if you met me. I have the kind of smile that is common among television show characters and rare in real life, perfect in its sparkly teeth dimensions and ability to express pleasant invitation.”

RED FLAG #9. Living by the “pleasure principle.”

“If it feels good and they are able to avoid consequences, they will do it! They live their life in the fast lane — to the extreme — seeking stimulation, excitement and pleasure from wherever they can get it,” Rosenberg wrote in Human Magnet Syndrome.

RED FLAG #10. Showing disregard for societal norms.

They break rules and laws because they don’t believe society’s rules apply to them, psychiatrist Dr. Dale Archer wrote in a blog on Psychology Today.

RED FLAG #11. Having “intense” eyes.

Sociopaths have no problem with maintaining uninterrupted eye contact. “Our failure to look away politely is also perceived as being aggressive or seductive,” M.E. Thomas wrote for Psychology Today.

Reposted from: http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Written by: Seth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/relationship-make-you-feel/1014243/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=1014243

Written by: Lauren Martin in Dating

Relationships are all about feelings. One morning, you’re up; by night, you’re down… but by “down,” I don’t mean in the dumps. I mean down to the core of your existence, experiencing new levels of emotion and pain.

Those who say relationships are all moments of bliss and euphoria aren’t wrong; they’re just forgetting a lot.

Because good relationships have those negative feelings as much as they have positive ones. Only, the negative ones aren’t negative in the way you’ve experienced them before.

You feel them in a completely new way. You feel sad, but it’s sorrow that comes from deep yearning.

You feel scared, but for the first time, it’s a fear that comes when you’re completely and utterly dependent on someone else.