Divorce, Dating, Relationship Support

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This

Reposted from: http://www.upmoments.com/she-tells-her-grandma-that-shes-just-been-cheated-on/

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This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.


A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?


May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be like the COFFEE.

My Transformation: 30 Days of No Alcohol

Reposted from: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/08/my-transformation-30-days-of-no-alcohol/

Written by: Via James Swanwickon Aug 26, 2015

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Alcohol.

Most of us love a glass of wine over dinner or a cold beer on a hot summer day.

In moderation, it can make us feel good. It’s part of our culture. We enjoy sharing a few drinks with friends.

But what happens physically and mentally when you quit alcohol for 30 days? I tried this simple experiment in 2010.

Seemed easy enough. I wanted to test my self-discipline. Little did I know then that 30 days would turn into six months, which became one year. After five years, it’s now part of my lifestyle. Life is simply better without alcohol.

People often ask me about my story.

I was a journalist for 20 years, and alcohol was part of the culture. I’d enjoy a few quiet beers during the week and go a little harder most weekends. It all seemed like good fun.

But on March 12, 2010, I awoke with a shocking hangover after a particularly fun night at the South by Southwest Festival in Austin, Texas.

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15 Things I Wish Someone Told Me About My First Year Of Divorce

Reposted from: http://www.yourtango.com/2015277958/15-things-i-wish-someone-told-me-about-year-one-of-divorce?utm_content=bufferf3f03&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

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Hindsight. We love it. Too bad we can’t have it beforehand.

That first year after your divorce can be a real humdinger. There’s so much going on, so many new things happening, and so many emotions floating around. In retrospect, you wish someone would’ve told you the specifics, as far as the things that get better or easier.

Here’s what I wish I’d known during that first year:

1. You don’t have to be perfect all of a sudden. Sure, people are watching (mainly your ex and your in-laws) to see how you do. But that doesn’t mean you have to be superhuman. Stop scrubbing the cat box with your old toothbrush at 3AM and forget about getting up an hour early to do your makeup.

2. You’re alone now, but not forever. Yes, you will find someone else one day, if and when you want to. Right now, just find the blessings in being alone. There are plenty.

3. Your mother will get over it. Really.

4. Dating really isn’t dead/all that bad. Eventually, it even becomes fun.

5. Your bed might seem empty at first … but later on, you’ll revel in the fact that the whole thing is yours. The whole thing.

6. You’re about to forge a whole new relationship with your kids. No matter how good/touchy/close your relationship with your kids is now, there’s a bond between single parents and their kids that’s amazing and unique only to them.

7. That weight gain or unwanted weight loss will right itself. The emotional eating will go away. The stress-induced starvation will, too.

8. Forget what you lost; recognize what you’ve gained. The good and the bad are gone. But a whole new world, full of possibilities that only you get to choose, has opened up to you.

9. Missing him will fade. Pretty soon, you won’t miss being with him. You might miss being with someone, but that can be fixed.

10. You didn’t fail; your marriage failed. You’ll go on to triumph at other things and one of them might even be marriage.

11. Don’t discount the little things. Closet space. Your favorite foods on the menu. A bathroom all to yourself. Ugly but comfy jammies. They all matter.

12. Your life is now your design. It’s not empty; it’s blank. Write a new one.

13. He was an idiot, anyway. There you go. Someone said it for you.

14. You don’t have to figure it all out this week. Make mistakes. Take your time. Shelve things for later. Shake it off. Your life just changed completely. You have a lot of new things to learn. Give yourself the patience you’re giving your kids.

15. This too shall pass. Whatever it is, it’s temporary. Unless it’s good, in which case, you should keep it.

Everything’s new. Things are in upheaval. You’re up one day and down the next. But every day, you’re one step closer to a happy and fulfilling new life that you will rock.

So, take a deep breath and remember that this is just the first week, month, or year

 

 

 

She Doesn’t Need You: Why Everyone Is Afraid Of An Independent Woman

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/women/afraid-independent-woman/1100327/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=1100327

Written by:

Paramount PIctures

Sometimes it feels as if every single woman ever to grace the silver screen of a major motion Hollywood picture is depicted the same exact way. A trip to the movie theatre is f*cking groundhogs day.

You know exactly what sort of leading lady I’m talking about: the damaged damsel in distress who’s tragically tethered to the tree of danger, and is patiently awaiting a sweepingly powerful (masculine) energy to find her in the thick of the forest, cut the ropes with his bare hands, rescue her and wrap up her tiny body in his big, burly arms.

OR it’s the doe-eyed, heartbreakingly self-destructive waif who hates herself with a fervent relentlessness and we watch, teary-eyed, as she spirals into the harrowing vortex of addiction and self-abuse — until the earth shattering moment an authoritative male figure magically appears in her life, by absolute happenstance, and an instant falls in love with her and peels her off the ground, saving her from the cell of herself.

Though it comes in many cinematic styles and is targeted toward a vast array of age ranges: It’s the same f*cking story every f*cking movie.

What really gets under my skin is that society does a pretty damn good job at pretending to “love” and “celebrate” the independent woman. It’s confusing.

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9 Signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Reposted from:http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/Galleries/9-Signs-You-Are-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship.aspx?utm_source=keywee&utm_medium=paid_distribution&utm_campaign=keyweeJUN&kwp_0=30240&kwp_4=170137&kwp_1=167791#

Proceed with caution…

Think you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship? Here are nine signs that it’s time to walk away.

You’re on a daily emotional roller coaster

One minute your significant other is loving and the next, punishing you for not doing things correctly. This is a major red flag. Manipulation plays a huge role in most abusive relationships. This constant emotional roller coaster ride of arguments and apologies is definitely unhealthy and a sign it’s time

They isolate you

It’s one thing for your spouse to love spending quality time with you but when the person you’re with starts isolating you from family and friends, there’s a problem. It’s healthy for you to have relationships outside of the relationship with your significant other. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.

Issues of jealousy

An emotionally abusive partner or spouse isn’t just jealous of the people you’re closest with but also your dreams and goals because they want to control all aspects of your life. A secure person doesn’t need to be jealous of the relationship you have with others because they trust you and the relationship you’ve created together.

Arguments tend to escalate, quickly

Occasional arguments are not uncommon in relationships, and are not always unhealthy but arguments in emotionally abusive relationships are. These arguments tend to escalate quickly and have no end point. Even day-to-day conversation can escalate to physical abuse, so beware.

You’re nervous around them

Abusive partners and spouses will use any tactic they can to keep you down, including threats of violence as a way to assert their dominance over you. If you feel any form of fear around the person you’re in a relationship with, it’s time to walk away.

Constant put downs

No matter what you do in the relationship, it’s never right and it’s never enough. When you talk to them, especially about your accomplishments, they put you down and make you feel small for the decisions you made

You go out of your way to make them happy

Nothing’s wrong with wanting to keep your significant other happy but when you find yourself pleading for their happiness, there’s an issue. You may even find yourself staying silent even when you’re angry just to keep the peace.

You feel trapped

Helplessness is an ever-present emotion in emotionally abusive relationships. Often times, abusive partners will try controlling all aspects of your life, including personal items like your car and phone and what you do with your spare time. It you’re feeling trapped, it’s time to take the leap of faith and walk away.

You start believing you’re the problem

After all the arguments and put downs, you start believing that you’re not worth any more than the abuse. This is simply a manipulation tactic and a way to justify the abuse. You’re not crazy or the problem. You’re worth so much more