Divorce, Dating, Relationship Support
You are dating again, what do you do now?
- Don’t panic! Part of dating is finding out who you are compatible with and who shares your core value system. Not everybody will make the lifelong cut.
- Get ready! This “process” is one of the most difficult and life changing events that will ever happen to you. You will never be the same: emotionally, spiritually, physically, or personally.
- Time is ticking!!! Go out there a find who YOU really ARE! You will never know until you go it alone! That quiet time at the house doing laundry may seem lonely and empty. Time is the biggest gift that you have right now. You can self reflect, make an improvement plan for yourself, not shave your legs for days, ECT…it’s very empowering! You learn to be you again!
- Start LIVING! Confidence is built by learning what you like, don’t like, travel, friends, new experiences, makeovers, wine nights with the girls and so on. The more confident you become in yourself, the more attractive you are to a potential mate. Men like true confidence when a woman is happy with whom she is. It’s something that you just can’t fake. If a woman can take care of herself, a man can be there as her partner and as her compliment.
- Work on your image. Sometimes the best revenge for a broken heart is to pop out on the town two months later as a new, refreshed YOU! Go to the gym—working out creates endorphins, endorphins make you HAPPY! And, who does not want to look amazing in a pair of skinny jeans and show your ex what he is missing out on. The stares you gain from admiring strangers, may give you that last little push to get “over it!”
- Reach out to all of your best girlfriends and family. Make yourself available when they ask you to go places, even if you don’t feel like going. Often a pint of Blue Bell ice cream, a bottle of wine, and reruns of the Young and Restless in your jammies is all that you want to do. But, please take every opportunity to meet new people and start living your life again.
- Reach out to your circles. Your friends and family know you best. They will have your best interest at heart and will try to introduce you to solid people. They may not be your typical types, but give them a shot. You never know where a diamond is hiding in a coal mine.
- Join a church singles group. Most churches have singles groups that are designed into age brackets. You may find your spiritual match there, or just some really amazing lifelong friends.
- Join a sport and social club. Even if you have never hit a ball in your life, you can learn. Or, you can laugh your way through a really fun time meeting new people.
- Join a common interest group like an alumni group, rodeo, charity ect. These groups are great ways to meet people and network. Your dream guy may not be in the group, but the group may know someone who is right up your ally. It’s all about being in the right place at the right time.
- Grab a girlfriend and sit a restaurant bar for dinner. There are usually tons of singles, men and woman, who are just popping in after work to grab drink and a bite, the same as you. Strike up a conversation about what they are ordering or that tacky painting on the wall. It works!
- When hanging out on girl’s night and you want to collect some phone numbers, travel in twos. Three or more women together is intimidating for a man. He can manage to strike up a conversation with two of you. But the more women, the less time he will have to get to know you.
- Venture into the online dating world. This avenue is an entirely different pool of people. It’s like shoe shopping. You can pick out all of the superficial qualities that you like, but also narrow it down to the exact “perfect on paper” guy. A word of caution. Usually, people on those sites put up photos that are very different than what they look like in person. Also, although they look perfect on paper or whenever you are texting them, the real person sitting in front of you on your online date, is not the same. This avenue, while extremely easy to get a Friday night meal, is not all that it’s cracked up to be in my experience.
- Dating is scary, bottom line. You never know who or what you are going to get. Send your girlfriend or family member the name of the person you are meeting and where you will be. If something happens to you, they know where to begin.
- Have an exit strategy. Have a friend text you an important message that you need to go home. Or, you may have an early morning meeting that you forgot about. Be respectful, as no one wants to get their feelings hurt. But, no one wants to sit through three hours of uncomfortable either.
- Be honest. If you are not feeling it, and you are asked on a second date, tell him. Explain that although he may be a great catch, he is just not right for you. And maybe, if it’s not awkward, you could try to be friends.
- If you or your family find yourself in immediate danger—LEAVE! Find a safe place to stay until you can get legal protection. You may need to get a restraining order or have a judge appoint an emergency “protective order.” Contact the police, a battered women’s shelter or a church in your area.