Divorce, Dating, Relationship Support

What Being An Oldest, Middle, Or Youngest Child Says About You

https://www.yahoo.com/health/what-being-an-oldest-middle-or-youngest-child-115877654632.html

Written by: Ashley Macha

What Being An Oldest, Middle, Or Youngest Child Says About You

What your birth order has to do with the way you are.  (GIF: ABC)

Birth order isn’t the end all, be all when it comes to who you are as a person and how you interact with the world — but it certainly is a factor. There’s no shortage of research showing that being an oldest, middle, or youngest child has an impact on your personality.

In honor of National Sibling Day, we broke down the biggest ways your birth order seems to be associated with who you are as a person. Read on, and be sure to tell us in the comments how true the research seems to be for you.

The Firstborn

Being the oldest child in the family means going through a lot of firsts — and quite possibly failures — before future siblings come along.

First step. First word. First time-out.

The oldest children are often put through experimentation or test phases, when parents are still trying to figure out the goals they have for their children. While oldest children may have had a more strict — or at least watchful — upbringing, it also means they received a lot of attention because they had their parents all to themselves, Khadijah B. Watkins, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry in the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, tells Yahoo Health.

As a result, firstborns command more attention and approval from peers and colleagues and are more in tune with their surroundings.

Many world leaders are firstborn kids who are typically more driven and motivated, Watkins says. They are also extremely competitive, confident, organized, and strive for greatness.

Norwegian study found that firstborns had a slightly higher IQ than middle or younger siblings, supporting the fact that they want to excel at everything they do, from landing a successful job to simply planning a vacation.

Are you an oldest child? You’re probably

  • Power-driven
  • Successful
  • Competitive
  • Motivated
  • Strong
  • Responsible
  • Confident
  • Intelligent
  • Rule keepers

 

Related: What Your Personality Reveals About Your Health

The Middle Child

It’s not always easy being the Jan Brady of the family, constantly reaching for a tiny spot in the limelight.

Middle children are often caught between the wiser, more experienced older child and the coddled, energetic youngest child. “As the middle sibling, you have to stick up for yourself and get crafty to get your needs met,” says Watkins. They’re forced to get creative in how they advocate themselves.

Most middle children tend to be social and surround themselves with friends and colleagues for support, which make them great networkers and entrepreneurs.

They aren’t going to argue or compete with the older or younger sibling, Watkins says. Middle children will adapt to any situation and try to mediate and act as a peacemaker during rocky situations.

Are you a middle child? You’re probably

  • Creative
  • Social
  • Excellent negotiators
  • Empathetic
  • People pleaser
  • Resourceful
  • Diplomatic
  • Peacemaker

Related: Is Your Personality Type More (Or Less) Likely To Apologize?

The Youngest

The last-born sibling — also known as the “baby” of the family — enters into the familial hierarchy at the bottom of the pyramid, but is typically the most spoiled of all the siblings.

By the time parents have their last child, they know the drill — changing diapers is a piece of cake and teaching their child how to ride a bike is second nature.

Parents are also more lenient about certain things and tend to intensify how much they coddle, spoil, and protect the youngest child. Last-borns start becoming familiar with people doing things for them, so they are typically more demanding and impatient when things don’t go their way.

Youngest children often want their own way in life and seek to tailor things toward their wants and needs, says Watkins.

“They’re always questioning the system and asking why things need to be that way,” Watkins says.

This rebellious attitude also leads them to be more free-spirited, outgoing, and prone to taking more risks.

Like firstborns, last-borns also tends to be highly motivated and driven. They’re competitive as well, but in most cases, they won’t directly compete with their siblings – they’re more likely to take a different course or even move to a new geographic location, Watkins tells Yahoo Health.

And youngest children know when to throw out a good joke or two — a recent study found that last-borns are more funny and easygoing compared to their older brothers and sisters.

Are you a youngest child? You’re probably

  • Rebellious
  • Competitive
  • Driven
  • Humorous
  • Risk taker
  • Outgoing
  • Demanding

An Only Child

No siblings? No problem.

Only children may get an (unfair) characterization as being lonely and extra self-involved. But research actually shows they possess cooperativeness, leadership, and emotional stability at the same levels as those with siblings. And they also aren’t lonely, especially when you consider the fact that “lonely” is not the same thing as “comfortable with solitude.”

Plus, since they received the uncontested attention of their parents, only children tend to have a strong sense of identity and self-esteem.

“Onlies typically have strong personalities and know who they are because their needs aren’t overlooked, and they don’t compete for attention,” Erika Karres, author of Make Your Kids Smarter, tells Parents.

Read This Next: Introvert? Neurotic? The Most Common Personality Type In Your State Is…

 

 

11 Silly, Ridiculous Signs That Might Mean You’re In Love

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/11-silly-ridiculous-signs-might-mean-youre-love/864846/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=EG_W2_864846

Written by: 

Underwear Tuesday

Have you ever been in love? A lot of us are terrified to be in love and will deny its truth, even if all the signs are there. Disney got it right with “I Won’t Say I’m In Love” from “Hercules.”

Even if you haven’t yet said the ever-dreaded L-word to your person, even if you’re not officially “together” and even if you have absolutely no intention to be in love, you very well might be.

Love can present itself in mysterious, ridiculous ways. There are things you might be doing or things that might be happening that make you think, “Hm, weird.” Guess what? These things could mean love:

Continue Reading…

My Husband Had a One Night Stand

Reposted from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-rodman-phd/my-husband-had-a-one-night-stand_b_7029192.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

Written by:

MOM AND BABY

Reader Crushed writes:

I just found out my husband had a one night stand. It was with some random girl from a bar in the back of our minivan seven months ago. We have been together 13 years, and he says this is the only time. He didn’t fess up, I called him out on it.

I just knew somehow. We have two kids and I am six months pregnant. I feel so betrayed and angry and I hate him. I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’ve always said that it would be the only reason I would ever divorce him.

And at the same time, I’m not sure I could divorce him; he’s my only love since we were kids. I’m so confused. I don’t even know what steps to take (aside from getting tested).

Dear Crushed,

I feel for you. What a terrible thing to happen, and the timing couldn’t be worse, when you are pregnant and feeling overwhelmed. I want to assure you that your conflicted feelings toward your husband are completely normal. Dr. Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligencebelieves that the “new shame” is staying with a partner who has been unfaithful, since nowadays, the common “wisdom” is to immediately leave someone who has cheated. Yet, many times, things are not that simple. For one, as you say, many times, you still love your partner, and have a family together.

Just because he did a terrible thing does not mean that your husband is a terrible person. There is the possibility that your relationship will grow, and you will become closer than ever if you can look at this affair as something bad that happened to your marriage, rather than you viewing your husband as the enemy.

I have written here and here about recovering from infidelity, and here is a guest post by a reader whose mother took back her unfaithful father.

There are many paths to recovering from infidelity, and many couples are able to look back at the affair as a time that facilitated tremendous growth in their relationship. Sometimes, it helps shine a light on problems in the marriage, or opens up a dialogue about sex and intimacy.

Right now you are reeling, so it is necessary for your husband to express his sorrow and to apologize, and to empathize with how you feel. This is crisis mode for your marriage. You will likely feel a lot of ambivalence, like you suggest in your letter to me. Some moments, you will hate your husband, other moments you will beg him not to leave. You will be consumed with questions and with figuring out if he has ever cheated before or wants to again. This would be a great time to get into couples counseling if the conflict escalates out of control.

At a later point, if you want to repair the marriage, it will be time for you both to empathize with the other. This would include you asking your husband how he felt that led to him cheating. This doesn’t mean that you excuse or condone his behavior, but that you try to understand it. If you want to build your connection stronger than even before, you need to be open to taking his perspective and understanding what this one night stand meant to him.

Maybe he felt overwhelmed with two kids and one more on the way. Maybe he has felt sexually unattractive, and he feels like a sexless dad rather than a sexual man, and this one night stand made him feel alive (feeling alive is a common reason that people have affairs). Maybe he has never felt confident in his ability to be with other women, since from what you say about him being your only love since you were kids, it’s possible you were his only partner.

If you want to reconnect on a deep level, you need to know where your husband was coming from. And, of course, he needs to completely acknowledge and validate how you felt, and how it may be difficult to trust him in the future.

Thanks for writing in, and keep me updated. And ’til we meet again, I remain, “The Blogapist Who Says There Are No ‘Right’ Answers in the Aftermath of Infidelity.”

For more, visit Dr. Rodman at Dr. Psych

 

 

How to Know When Your Marriage Is Really Over

Reposted from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melissa-levis/how-to-know-when-your-marriage-is-really-over_b_7014892.html

Written by:

I leapt.

I am neither a dancer nor a track and field star, but after 10 years of indecision and unhappiness in my marriage, I took a running start, big breath and leapt. I clung to a scene in Indiana Jones where Sean Connery tells Indy as they hovered by the ledge of an insurmountable chasm that you must have faith; then as they leapt, a bridge of rocks magically assembled beneath them.

Continue Reading…

5 Things Done Differently in Healthy Relationships

Reposted from: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/08/5-things-done-differently-in-healthy-relationships-laura-brown/

Written by Laura Brown

One of the things I am quite frank about is the fact that I have had my share of screw ups in the romantic department.

If there was a mistake to make, I made it. If there was something I was told I shouldn’t/couldn’t do, I did it. And I suffered a great many heartaches because of it. I began to correlate drama and dysfunction with love and romance and nothing could be further from the truth. Part of why I consider being a relationship specialist my calling and why I am so dang good at it is because I have been there, done that and burned the t-shirt. This includes the hard work on my relationship with love to get to where I am today. Where am I today? Married to the man of my dreams after a long road of off and on, long distance dating with two kids and another currently taking residence (and causing me to waddle rather ungracefully around the house) in my womb. Here is what I have discovered those in healthy relationships do differently:

1. The past cannot be erased.

Continue Reading…